Sprint — fraud department
Alright, I'm done. I've had a problem with fraud on my account since the beginning of October. I've waited, and waited, and waited some more. I got fed up and wrote on Facebook mid-December and Sprint said "oh noes, give us your information and we'll get right on that" and then then they said "no worries, we'll have that fixed by 12/31/2016". But January 2nd they said, "we're still working on it, we'll be in touch when it's done". Except you weren't in touch last time you decided to screw up half of my claim. Unless you count telling me you were going to suspend my account if I didn't pay the money I didn't owe you, right this second. Well, here we are, January 28th, still not fixed. How hard is it, I wonder, to say, "oh, these phones got sent to someone who isn't our customer, who doesn't live where our customer lives, and she's called us more than ten times trying to get it fixed, maybe we should take this fantastically large fee off of her account"?
It's not that hard, actually. I used to work in the fraud department in a bank. The first thing we did when someone filed a fraud claim was put a hold on any collections processing, any threatening letters sent, any fees added to the account. Oh, and we put a temporary credit on the account, so our customers didn't have to look at a big, red $917.45 due immediately every time they logged into their account. I see that you do none of these things. I see you don't even bother with any indication that there is a fraud claim on the account. What a fantastically terrible way to treat someone who's been with your company more than eight years. What a fantastically terrible way to treat anyone, really.
I guess you guys are too busy explaining that I must have compromised my information. Good thing those malicious hackers that stole all my information off an unsecured WiFi connection only wanted a few phones from Sprint. God knows the mess I would have been in if they'd wanted literally anything else. That's heavy sarcasm, in case you couldn't tell. It's hard to get emotional cues from text. That's why you probably don't understand just how upset I am. There are no problems however, because the Internet is a vast expanse, full of places that will happily post every terrible thing I say about you.
Good news though, I got a bonus at work that will be on my next paycheck! I'm going to use it to go get an account with Verizon, because even though I hate them, I officially hate you more. I know the first thing you'll want to do, being the godawful company that you are, is report my account to collections and screw my unblemished credit score. I'd ask you to consider the hell I will rain down upon you in that scenario. I will post ugly things about you online. I will contact representatives, senators, consumer protection agencies, whoever I have to talk to in order to make you miserable. I will start a blog, dedicated to how much I hate you. I will make YouTube videos expressing the depths of my loathing. I will make a sandwich board that says, "Ask me why Sprint is a terrible company!", and stand outside your store on Marquette Avenue.
I am unhappy, and I want you to be unhappy too. May you live in interesting times and may all of your Facebook notifications turn out to be game invites. May your headphones snag on every door handle and may the chocolate chips in your cookies always turn out to be raisins. May your life be as pleasant as you are.