Robert Halfrobert half finance and accounting

M Aug 04, 2018

The people at Robert Half, Accountemps, Office Team or whatever name they use to attract people play a wonderful game with you, and here's how it works:

Step 1: Make a wide array of promises. One of the staffing agents even said I could get you a $50, 000 a year job within one year of my graduation.

Step 2: Take a ton of assessment tests, for things that have about a 2% chance of you ever doing in the workforce.

Step 3: *crickets and silence* — want to talk to your agent? Good luck! 68 calls to answering machines in eight years, 67 answering machines. Hope they get you a job? Here's a hint: Ontario, California has much more of a hometown feel than Las Vegas, Nevada. If they had done their job, I would still be living there.

Bill Collectors? Not their concern. If you were dying from dehydration in the Mojave Desert and they had all the water in the Hoover Dam, they still wouldn't come by to give you help. The people who work there have their jobs, why would they give two cents about your well-being? I'm convinced the agents saw that commercial with the guy with the fishing pole for State Farm Insurance and said "THAT! That is how I'm going to be with everyone in existence".

I am not kidding you, do you know how many "initial interviews" I had with the staffing agents? 14, in ten years. Sometimes I would call and get told the staffing agent wasn't even there anymore. I've actually been told that more times than got calls about a job.

In conclusion, here's how you stay off the bad side with these people:

1. Figure out how to live, including paying rent, getting food and gas and repairs for your car on zero dollars a year because you have a better chance of making a perfect bracket than you do of getting a hold of them.

2. Be between 22 and 26 and have 30 or more years of experience.

3. They can be abusive to you (yes, I had a staffing person with the OfficeTeam branch in 2015 made 17 different criticisms of me when I walked in including that I had to lose weight, which ppsst, is ILLEGAL to say to someone in California), but don't you dare say anything to them that isn't completely sycophantic.

4. Act completely surprised and dazzled when they promise you the sun, the moon and the stars, even though they will never deliver you anywhere near what they promised.

5. Sit by your phone nonstop between 8:30 and 5:30 every single day, including holidays. On the chance that one of their agents actually calls you and you miss the call, I guarantee you are never going to hear from them again.

6. If they give you a cheap assignment working one day for minimum wage, you better take it even if you got a job on your own. Because I guarantee you that if you say you aren't able to take it, you will be treated like you took a one-way trip to a leper colony.

7. Do not question anything they say or do. The fact you are willing to relocate and smartly not be completely homeless is anathema to them. You have to be rich enough to be able to afford the rents in Irvine without their help, because God knows you won't get their help if you do. Question them and you will get told you were verbally abusive, even though you were just begging and pleading for a job so you wouldn't be without a home.

8. Prepare to hear crickets because they literally will throw you away as soon as you leave the office.

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