As a Pre-op Transvestite Gay Hispanic Jewish Rabbi, I know I would be a difficult match to make, however, I was assured by Elite Match that they had extensive experience making Jewish/Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual/Transgender connections. In fact I was introduced to my matchmaker, Ms Wasserman as a Jewish lesbian who had special skills in making that 'perfect' match within my community. I found it quite ironic that the Lesbian Wasserman is now somehow a straight woman with a family. Feeling betrayed, I found out that Ms Wasserman isnt even Jewish, her maiden name is Agajanian. She is an Armenian! ! ! ! My first 'match' was with a guy named Daniel Carver. He wasn't even from California, let alone Los Angeles! He was from Oakwood, Georgia of all places. When I called the number given to me by Ms Wasserman/Agajanian, the voice mail picked up and let me tell you, it was VERY disturbing. All I seem to remember were the words, "wake up white people". My next supposed "match" was described to me as a very sucessful private security business owner named Chuck. We decided to meet at his favorite five star restaurant for our "first date" - It was a Sizzler in Pasadena! When I politely declined he said, "Needless to say, I have a coupon for the salad bar that expires today and I normally don't splurge on such a nice place, but you are worth it, if you put out after we eat." Strike 2 Elite! My final "match" was described to me as a VERY rich Jewish man named Alan H. Mark who had an estate in BelAir on Sunset Blvd. I called Mr Mark and he wanted to take me to Lowry's in Beverly Hills. I told him where I lived and he offered to pick me up. This guy seemed to be a good match. Was I ever wrong! First of all when he came to the door, he couldnt have been over 4' tall and for being Jewish, he looked a lot like Adolf Hitler - that reall creeped me out. He was wearing some cowboy outfit that made him look like a midget rodeo clown. Since he was already at my door, I figured - hey at least it's a nice dinner in a fancy restaurant. We walked to his "car" and it wasn't a car, it was an AMBULANCE! Upon seeing my shocked reaction, he told me not to worry that he was a volunteer paramedic for Bel Air Patrol and he was on call. When I got into the ambulance I was overcome with his horrible body odor. When I mentioned it to him, he said, deodorant costs money. "This is going to be a long night" I thought. We made it to Beverly Hills in record time. Those red flashing lights and siren really cleared the traffic up La Cienega. When we were seated, Mr Moneybags told the waiter, "Seperate checks please and I will just have a glass of water" That was IT - I stormed out and never looked back. Strike 3! My advice to all the lovelorn souls in Los Angeles is to Stay Clear of these con-men and con-women. They will take your money and break your heart.
Rabbi Pedro Goldstein
Huntington Park, Ca
