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So there I was, about half-way through my bag of delicious Doritos (Nacho Cheese flavor) when all of a sudden my world was turned upside down. it felt like someone stabbed me in the top of the mouth! I saw sparks, the room dimmed, and the only thing that kept me from passing out was a faint taste of blood. So crazy!
Here's how it went down:
After I inserted a handful of those delicious Nacho Cheese triangles, one of them somehow rotated in my craw, and turned into a tortilla dagger that pierced the roof of my mouth. Where was my warning Frito-Lay? How could this not be seen as a possibility by your product testers? I demand a full investigation into the palate-piercing power of your crispy snack. I also demand that you develop Doritos-flavored gummy bears. That would be real swell.
@Brenda
So you're saying that I should only eat them one-at-a-time? That sounds plain un-American. Plus, according to this very chip maker (and by transitive property I'll assume that even though the slogan was for a different chip, it extends to Doritos), "You can't eat just one." Therefore, I'll continue to strap on the feedbag, just like I'm told.
And FYI, I'm currently investigating the 1964 product test panel for Doritos. I will prove that they willfully ignored the physical harm potential of these chips. I've already interviewed 3 of them, and what I found will shock you--though it was no surprise to me. Of the 15 member panel, only 9 are still alive. I heard whispers of palate stabbing and I am working on the necessary permits for exhumations and autopsies to determine causes of death. Think of the closure I could bring to their families! Fear me Frito Lay!
P.S. Michael Moore has been calling me, he says he's already written up the storyboards for a film about this. I can't wait to fry me up some Frito Lay CEO. I'll be in Plano, Texas on Aug 4th for anyone that wants to 'storm the keep' with Michael and I. All are welcome, especially the first commenter that lost his job the same day as his stabbing. I'll buy you a bag of Cool Ranch and we'll show our scars and swap war stories. Solidarity my brother's and sisters!
Not sure how sexuality affects this conversation, but I'm ready to see you try to use that in your argument. I could use a good laugh today...
@everyone reading these:
You all really think I'm serious about any of my above posts? (Other than the fact that I did incur some palate damage from a Dorito?)
If I had my way, anyone trying to sue or collect any compensation for their own irresponsible behavior or lack of common sense, would instantly be banned from the planet. A one-way ticket to the farthest reaches of space, using them as a research monkey to send us back whatever information they can collect before they die. Yeah I said it, die a-hole ambulance chasers and wanna-be collectors of unearned monies from companies whose only offense was providing your lazy ### with a service/product that you asked for/purchased/consumed/hurt yourself with/complained about. **So basically what Truth said.
Shambo---out. Peace.
Why don't you just eat Doritos normally
You could blame a robber for not robbing you of Doritos, or the one who got "chip-stabbed" wouldn't be you. Dang!
I could blame the supermarket for selling me the toilet brush because it poked me hard when I was leaning my belly on its tip.
My Doritos had almost no seasoning and they just tasted weird. I was very disappointed with them.
I BOUGHT A PACK OF DORITOS WHICH CONTAINED A BIG CHEESE PATTY INSIDE WHICH WEIGHS AROUND 50G
I purchased a bag of Doritos from the gas station up the street and there was a ball of what i would assume was flavor powder inside. It was off putting, so I tried to take it back and they told me to contact the company.
do you like triangles, Jim?
T... have you gone mad?
LOL!
I too have had this issue with a bag of cool ranch doritos. I was in my van shoveling doritos into my mouth when all of a sudden i felt a stab in the top of my mouth. I thought i could stop the pain by drinking some lemonade, but the acid from that further inflamed the puncture left by my doritos. I also got fired from my job, I will never forget that day.