I have had very tough issues with my teenage daughter who was sneaking out of the house at night (like many children seem to do nowadays), hanging with thugs and just having some very, very serious personality issues. She was a great kid, respectful and very charming by day and by night was a totally different child. She had mixed up with the wrong crowd in her high school and basically got sex-addicted, meanwhile I thought that being the attentive mother that I was I would notice something like this.
I tried different avenues to help her including homeschooling, private schooling, putting her in plays and clubs and different activities that were basically running me down financially and emotionally and physically. I did my best to steer her right and it didn't work. I would normally never turn to family but I turned in desperate effort to my Mom who took her one summer when she was totally out of nighttime control and things seemed to get better and we felt that she was done with her ways.
My daughter was 15 when she returned and I warned her that what she was doing could not happen again and that she would then have to deal with different reprocussions. She assured me that her ways were over and that it would never happen again. I knew how manipulative she was and how she could lie without blinking an eye and yet I tried to learn to trust her and believe in her.
I also put her in private Christian School that she didn NOT want to go to at all. To make a long story real short, I later found out through the school that she was still meeting up with these thugs and actually daring to attempt meetings on school grounds and it was a very SMALL school but of course that didn't work. At that point I immediately made arrangements and wound up voluntarily putting her into a therapeutic home for teenagers. She was really upset and threw a fit when I dropped her off and cried and pleaded but I told her this was needed.
Needless to say that I became a victim myself when my daughter started talking badly about my home. CPS came knocking and I was really upset but in a way knowing my daughter retaliation should have been expected I just didn't think that while I was not a perfect Mom, I was a good one and had nothing to worry about. Needless to say CPS of course has to investigate all claims and I don't blame them for doing their job but it bothers me because I feel violated and invaded, they know I feel this way especially being a person who likes a low-profile and keeps to herself having to deal constantly with CPS and the Sheriff's Department is not fun.
Now, I have tried the best I can to cooperate, They want to speak to people and not everyone wants to speak with them, including my family but I am trying to deal with it and bite my tongue. The Sheriff's Dept or CPS of course found nothing because there was nothing happening of the sort to begin with ..no details listed I know... but I realized how things work when they asked for references. I contacted two friends that I thought could provide a good reference and could get a lot more but after the first one called I was so upset and embarrassed.
While they tell you that they protect your privacy, the questions that were asked I later found out were explicit and inclusive of allegations which though they say they are standard questions, I found them a bit deep and was just embarrassed that they could ask a friend that. I am not sure if my second reference called but its sad because though I did nothing wrong, I feel like I have to hang my head in shame.
Ok, so they have to do it you say. I guess they have to but what gets me is now they are telling me - okay we are ready to close your case but we need to speak to her biological father who is a total jerk and deadbeat dad who likes to just cause problems and hasn't seen her more than three or four times in the last 10 years. He also has not been supportive, is an alcoholic and a prolific liar. He makes promises that he will never keep and tries to be a hero to her when he DOES see her and then will totally turn around and badmouth her behind her back and he does vice versa with her. it's sad but this is a guy who has bot been in her life like a real dad, who will not pay child support and I have not persued it because she is mentally beter with him OUT of her life.
He is not on her birth certificate and I asked them not to call him because the peace I finally have will be ruined. In December he called me 8 times in a row after I told him not to call back after being verbally abusive over me not letting him speak to her while he was drunk and kept calling and calling even after I threatened him with the Sheriff for harassment. CPS says they have to establish the case and their relationship and I feel violated and say NO, this is my daughter and I know what's best for her and it's not that I am worried about him giving info because he knows nothing of my life but I want the peace that I have today and feel that my daughter who is 16 does not need this deadbeat in her life. i am seeking a court intervention based on these facts.
CPS Supvsr tells me he will give me a week before seeking her 'father' out and that if I refuse to let them talk to them I am onstructing investigation. I let these people in my home over and over and over and over. I will not let them force me to do this and feel my constitutional right have been violated. Also they want every detail on how I plan to deal with my daughter and what would I say if...and I am like - you know what, this is my daughter not yours and I don't feel like i have to rehearse what I would say to my daughter with strangers. I am tired and broke so hard to get an attorney for this.
I want to go straight to the judge, DA or whatever but since its a Sunday, I am really just upset I can't do it this very second...maybe you fell I am wrong but am I? I sought help for my daughter and because I am dealing with statewide mandated things does not mean I deserved to be turned inside out. I want peace for me and my daughter and I think her 'father' would use this opportunity to try to get to her head and convince her I am a loser and he is the hero..
I mean this is a guy who asked if I could send her ALONE by Amtrak to visit him a few states away at the age of 9, who told her she could live with him if she wanted if she got a job and contributed to the household and she could go to the beach and hang out with her friends whenever she wanted if he did but he told me that he would never want her to live there because his girlfriend is is schitzophenic (medically) and has flipped out already in front of my daughter a few times would never allow it.
On visitations years ago he brought her to bars and betting halls. He told her on a visitation that she could spend five bucks only on his trip on something she wanted because he was broke but then my daughter came back crying because his girlfriend bought bags of items and gifts with his credit card for her friends and family.
On his last visit four years ago approx he told me aftewards she was flirting with guys and kept changing his radio station to rap but not to tell her though he was upset but I had to talk about the flirting thing which later became part of her issue at home and later he said he never said when speaking to her and he then begged forgiveness and said, look let's forget this happened and be friends again okay and it won't happen again. He is PART of the problem and that is why I told him to stay away until she is better or turns 18. I refuse to just let him back a door that has been closed for some time now and mess up her head. Any suggestions???