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Dean C. GrantUsing his disability to take advantage of me Ashville/Oneonta, Alabama

This man used his disability to take advantage of me because I felt sorry for him. He didn't have much of a life other than his family and church. He has been confined to a wheelchair all of his life and he has had to take what I can only describe as a boat load of medication just to get through the day. Even though I have had my share of rough times over the course of my life I always thought what it would be like to be in his shoes, where you had to depend on so many people just to get through the day. That's when I decided to do what ever I could to get him out of his apartment and to see the things that I take for granted every day.
It's not like you would drive two hours and say Dean jump in the car and let's go! Taking him places was real work! I had to pick him up and put him in the car and then break down the wheelchair every time we left or stopped along the way! It was a real challenge doing this. It wasn't like he was a light person.
The thing is he never showed any appreciation or any concern for me. All he wanted to know is where I could take him and when we could go. This was very aggravating at times and I would keep my composure because of his disability even though I knew he didn't mean to upset me.
After a visit I told him that the ball was in his court and he would hear from me when I heard from him. The reason why I said that was because I would send dozens of emails and would not get one reply! Not one! A year and a half went by and I sent an email offering to take him to Atlanta to see the Braves. I RECEIVED AN EMAIL FROM HIM THAT VERY DAY! After I made the reservations and got the tickets I drove the two hours to pick him up and we drove to Atlanta. Three days in the middle of the summer in the Atlanta heat! In the chair and out of the chair! Up the street and down the street! By the time I dropped him off and went home I was worn out. Again told him that the ball was in his court and he would hear from me when I heard from him. He said I promise. I went another year with not as much as a peep out of him.
When I was in the area I dropped by a couple of times and when we went to see his parents his father saw me picking him up and said and I quote: YOU PICK HIM UP TO PUT HIM IN THE CHAIR? All of this time, I was doing this only to learn from that question he could have gotten into the car and into the chair on his own! Again, I kept my composure. While in his parents home his mother asked me why it had taken me so long to visit and after telling her that I had not heard from Dean in a year she yelled at him!
By this time I had gotten engaged and I didn't have a lot of time to get up his way, but when I did I made a point to go and see him and I would not hear a word from him unless I called or dropped by again. I decided to give it one more chance and I sent him a letter telling him that I was not mad and if he wanted me to come up I would. THAT WAS THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE! Two weeks before we spoke he promised to email me, but he never did. That should have been a sign to me to just let that part of my life go and move on. I just couldn't. I cared too much about him. The day before I was to come up he told me that he didn't have any money for that weekend. I said and I quote: THE LORD HAS BLESSED ME WITH GOOD FORTUNE! WHEN YOU ARE BLESSED YOU SHOULD SHARE IT WITH OTHERS! I promised to take him to Tuscaloosa to the Paul W. Bryant Museum that weekend. Not more than a few minutes after getting there a teenager was driving a dual cab pickup and slammed into the back of my car and left the scene. It caused over three thousand dollars worth of damage to my bumper. I just could have left and went home, but I still wanted to keep my promise. He never said or showed any concern to the cars damage! The only one who did was his mother. Thank you Mrs. Grant if you are reading this! I kept my promise and he said if he had a web-camera he would like to have one to make it easier to communicate with me. I took him to Walmart and bought him one costing me thirty dollars. I did this after my car was damaged. I had to stay in Oneonta until the driver of the truck returned and that was two days later.
Again, I said to Dean for the I don't know how many times I had said it before. The ball is in your court. You will hear from me when I hear from you. He looked at me after hugging me and he said; Bill I promise. That lasted five days after I left and it has been over six years since I have not heard from him. YES, I sent him hateful emails and cursing him! I am only human. He never cared about me. He only cared about what I could do for him. I didn't want to believe that. I found a former classmate of ours on facebook named Terri Lynn after telling her what Dean had did to me she said while living in Springville she had met two people that told her that Dean Grant will take advantage of you due to his disability.
Why am I doing this after all of this time? It is because after six years it still effects me as if it happened six days ago. Because of his actions I won't even open a door for a handicapped person or anyone for that matter. His actions or lack of in this case has turned me into a bitter person who won't as much give a dime or my time or anyone out of the fear that if I do something bad will happen to me. A friend asked me why I have changed and I just looked at him and said; WHAT AM SUSPOSED TO DO FOR OTHERS? FEEL SORRY FOR THEM? If you want to know the answer to that question go up to Oneonta/Ashville and find Dean Grant and ask him!

Responses

  • SKOR May 25, 2012
    This comment was posted by
    a verified customer
    Verified customer

    I think there might me more to your feelings for this man than just sympathy.
    Clearly you got played by him - but you allowed the abuse to happen. You even initiated it by contacting him when he repeatedly ignored you. This relationship was mutual - he was the abuser, and you were the enabler. You absolutely got something from his mistreatment towards you... you need to figure out what that was, why you wanted it, and how to replace it with something healthier. A relationship can't be built on sympathy - nobody of value wants people to feel sorry for them.

    You are only hurting yourself by being bitter and mistrustful of people.

    0 Votes
  • Bi
    Bill Finley May 28, 2012

    SKOR: Thanks for the advice. Point well taken. The reason why I cared so much about Dean was because I have known him since 1972. We grew up together and I had a lot of fond memories during our friendship. As we got older we began to grow apart due to our personal lives, but I never forgot the friendship we once shared. I guess I didn't want to let go of that. It was one of the few things that was worth remembering. I loved him because he was my friend first and foremost. His mother said that I visited him more than the friends he had who lived in his town and I lived two hours from him. I felt sorry for him not just because of his disability, but because he had no friends who were willing to do the things that I was. At least to me our friendship meant more to me than it did to him and I was only fooling myself and I should have given up on him a long time ago.

    0 Votes
  • Bi
    Bill Finley Jan 07, 2013

    Dean is not a bad person. He just shows no emotion. In all of the years I have known him he has never complained about his disability. Still, I know it must be hard for him not being able to do the things that most of us take for granted. I am not the easiest person to get along with. Dean has been there for me to lend an ear when I needed one.
    What made me frustrated was I would come to visit and take him anywhere he wanted to go. When I left I knew I wouldn't hear from him again unless I showed up. I did lash out at him for doing it on a number of occasions. I would rather have him tell me I don't have the time or I just don't like you rather than us having another falling out only to reconcile and it happen all over again. I feel that I have been betrayed!

    0 Votes
  • Ka
    Karma19 Mar 24, 2017
    This comment was posted by
    a verified customer
    Verified customer

    This comment wasn't meant to hurt Dean. I shouldn't have done it. I was Furious at him and I acted perhaps too hastily.. Like I said I'm not the easiest person to get along with and sometimes I can push too hard. There are two sides to every story and I just wanted to make this comment letting everyone know that I wasn't mr. innocent in all of this. Even though I hope he can find it in his heart to forgive me I wouldn't expect him to.

    William Finley.

    0 Votes

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