'We Eat Our Own Dogfood':
-With the little money we pay you for your 60-80 hour work weeks, we want you to buy are junk wall stickers, Fatheads. And for the 1% who actually own a home, we want you to refi with us and pay more so that we can sell your loan in a few weeks, but we will put you on our loan tracking system (we will bug you and try to get you to refill every couple of months to make sure you have no equity).
'A Penny Saved Is a Penny':
-Although letting screwed over employees receive their just unemployment, we can save Gilbert what amounts to his billions as basically a PENNY to you and me. And for our management, we don't try to save on cocaine, we buy the best uncut coke for our incentive trips.
'Every Customer, Every Time, No Excuses, No Exceptions':
-Even if the customer is in a great mortgage program, we can spin it to where we can screw every customer any time. If you are not willing to do this, we will find you and root you out.
'Obsessed With Finding a Better Way':
-We are obsessed with finding better ways to drain every ounce of sweat from our employees. We are obsessed with finding better ways to collect more deposits knowing that they will not qualify.
'Every Second Counts':
-We find suckers to work 60-80 hours a week for peanuts making us very wealthy only to spit them out in the end. We (upper management) enjoy the fruits of all their seconds they put in. Skip lunch, forget your family, you need to be on the phone, if not you may miss that app call. When you get home, log in, that is what the great bankers do!
'Ignore the Noise':
-As half of the sales force is getting fired and directors are strung out on coke, ignore this. Keep working 16 hour days till we fire you so we can get every ounce of sweat from you and turn your loans over to the bankers who are doing favors for directors when you are gone.
'We are the They':
-If you work 80 hours per week, become a coke addict, and divorce your wife and forget your kids, you can become one of us. We are one big dysfunctional family.
'Take the Roast Out of the Oven':
-Even though you don't know anything about mortgages, pretend, and give wrong advice to people on their biggest asset. Don't worry if you screw up, as long as you made Dan Gilbert a few bucks.
'It's Not About Who is Write, It is About What is Right':
-As long as you don't voice your opinion and try to say this isn't the greatest place in the world. In that case, we will have to fire you.
Did I forget any...