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Surviving Infidelity is great if you are a betrayed spouse (which I am) and you want your head patted and to be told any bad behavior you have is okay (which I don't want). Everyone is told any type of revenge the betrayed spouse wants to exact against the cheater or other man/woman is okay. If anyone steps in to say bad behavior is bad no matter which side it comes from...prepare to be told you are unsupportive and not to post. Apparently if you've been cheated on, any behavior you have is acceptable and anyone saying otherwise should stop posting. I'm not one to condone bad behavior...I don't care what the situation is. I quickly learned at SI bad behavior is okay if your spouse has cheated on you...seems counterproductive to healing to me, but I also noticed the vast majority of people there are not looking to heal but to wallow in their pain and make someone pay for it...it isn't surprising few of the marriages 'reconcile' even though some don't divorce...they just sit in their misery. If you want true healing...find a professional...
Their healing library contains a section called "articles", these are posts written by other site members, not professionals. I've seen people "high fived" for hacking emails and yelling profane insults in front of their own or other children.
I understand the pain of infidelity, but turning around and making excuses for bad bahavior does not make the pain go away or make me a better person. It breeds bitterness and hate. That is what this site supports and encourages, if you dare speak out about the bad behavior of a betrayed spouse, be prepared to be told to stop posting because you are not "supportive". A very dangerous place for those trying to heal in a positive way.
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I think the site can be helpful. The articles can also provide some insight for those new to infidelity. Not professional but certainly helpful. Knowing you are not alone and that your experiences and feelings are valid is invaluable. People that have not been there don't get it. That being said, the moderators are easily threatened. The longer you are on the site, the more intelligent your responses, the healthier you become- the more likely you are to be banned. I was banned years ago, the same day they banned uncertainone and many others. It isn't lost on me that the ego issues that led to cheating in the first place are now cheating members out of the insight and perspectives and wisdom that some members offer.
I admit, I was a member for the last six years, and I was recently banned. I have always been a defender of the moderators. Now, having actually been moderated, my opinion has changed. No..I'm not bitter. I am, however, pissed that I was wrong, and the moderators have betrayed me. A few weeks ago, I was flat out told by a cheater, that I deserved to have been cheated on. It was a low blow. So I told him, "F you." I was given a 24 hour time out. Upon returning, I followed the rules, and didn't post my questions on the forums, but in a pm to a mod. I asked why the time out? I was told it violated a guideline. So I provided links of other members...waywards...who had said the exact same phrase to other members that warranted my time out. I pointed out they were not given the same consequence, as they had posted within 24 hours of the support offensive comment. I asked why I was being held to a different standard than these other members. I got a canned response. That while yes, they said the same thing I had said, I didn't know what went on through PM's between the members and the mods. I agreed that was true, but as I said, I mentioned that they clearly hadn't been treated the same, since they posted a few hours afterwards, and the comment wasn't deleted as mine had been. So it was clearly unfair. I was fine with my consequence, but found it odd that others weren't held to the same standard. Mind you..after six years, this was the one, and only time I had been in trouble. I wasn't happy with the response from the mod, so I sent a private message to a friend of mine on the site. I didn't copy/paste the pm. I told her that I had asked why these other members weren't held accountable, and I told her I was told I didn't know what went on in pm's. I didn't cuss. I didn't slam the mod. I was still respectful. The next day, I was banned. There is a thread, currently, asking why I'm not posting. A mod came on and outright lied to the members. Stating I had broken numerous guidelines, had been warned many times, and that the persona given on the forums wasn't the same "behind the scenes." Absolute crap. So...listen up SI members. Your private messages are not private. The mods all have access to them. So anything you share privately, is not private. Thanks for the well wishes. C6
Hugs and much love to you. You are sorely missed my friend. Serendipitous that I found this post - by the way, I commented on that thread and your name popped up on a thread the other day. Wishing you well ❤️
Please excuse my English, I am french. The comments above have probably been posted by people who have cheated on their spouses and did not like the very brutally honest comments they got. Survivinginfidelity.com is a great website. It helps betrayed spouses who most of the time are lost, confused and devastated to get back on their feet, regain dignity and self-esteem. It is not a very kind website if you are a wayward spouse who does not admit your faults and start working at saving the marriage. But for those who do, the support and the help provided by men and women who have gone through it is extremely effective.
Exactly LostKat. The majority of the posters have been angry and bitter for years. I have no idea how ANYONE could stay married to them. If you're experiencing infidelity in your life, the posters will try to drag you down to their level.
The reviews are absolutely correct and SI is hardly how people all over the world deal with infidelity. Infidelity happens to millions everyday and that pathetic site has only 49k members in over 12 years. Not impressive nor a huge following. It's a niche that caters to wallowing and bitterness. There is enough victim mentality in the world without adding more. Other sites are better. Just working through it on your own is better by far.
Regarding SI - if you want to really know about the site - these "comments" are useless - go to the site - it's free - and look about - 90+ % of the reviews I have seen appear to be people with an "axe to grind" regarding SI
If you are looking for how people from all over the planet deal with unfaithful partners - give a read - you don't have to be a member to read - only to post on a forum. Stories there from UK, Australia, Canada, Venezuela, Turkey, Italy - and Nigeria - that I have followed. You can learn from just reading. If you read enough of the stories - you will find that "your story" is just like so many others and you can see how others worked out their future. Some go separate ways - some reconcile. one of the best "blog" sites for discussion of the topic. Take what you find that helps you and leave the rest. If you join, do follow the rules. "Share the road responsibly"
I guess you're the KateC that wrote that rambling diatribe attacking some poor guy on Sitejebber which got removed. Our stories are all different. You don't know us or our spouses or our situations.
Pretty horrible moderation. Emails i have received are snarky, and got banned for just TACTFULLY defending myself. I do think going there in many respects is pain shopping. I am actually fine with a chance to just not go there. Kinda helps with how the site can be addicting and stupid.
Has not helped me in healing. Has not helped me through anything but the horror of the first few weeks after i found out. Then it just became like a drug... and hurtful. Good riddance to bad rubbish.
SI is a truly horrible site. Was a member years ago and recommended it to a friend. What a mistake. It's now a social club for the completely dysfunctional. Jesus. Read a post in new beginnings about some loser dumping his gf because she didn't open herself to him completely right out of the gate. Yeah, it's called healthy boundaries you ###! What a joke. Know why no one posts there anymore? Because they're adults and do what they need to do and move on. Not post 24/7 and whine pathetically. Get a grip. Infidelity happens to millions. It's not some unique "none of the rules apply to us now" injury. Losers! And I'm a BS. Once was an ok site. Now a dangerously stupid one. Hope people look at the far better resources out there
Survivinginfidelity.com is a horrible site with the worst moderator/administrators I've encountered on a public forum. These people are seriously not intelligent enough to properly control the amount of blind vitriol and toxic advice given to people that are in bad situations to begin with. Jill Campbell is a joke, a fraud, and attention [censored]. The healing library is a travesty. They obviously don't have a concept of what those two words mean together. This site should be not allowed to be in business. I agree with the above comment. The members are pathetic and egg each other on under the guise of comfort. No wonder so few people are active members.
I agree completely. The site's founder, Jill M. Campbell of Spring, Texas, was a cheater herself and only created the site to make money off of other people's suffering. The site is incredibly harmful. Advice is freely given by armchair self-proclaimed psychologists, helping others make major life decisions based on a few paragraphs of text. The "articles" are absurd and NOT written by any experts or professionals. I feel so sorry for the pathetic members who deep deluding themselves for years, and perpetuating each other's pain.