I have been reading the posts on PSI SEMINARS for the past few days and a few things have occurred to me that I'd like to share and put out there as food for thought. There certainly has been a lot to think about lately as my husband left me after returning from PSI7. It makes me so very sad to think I am going to lose my husband to what literally amounts to brainwashing. The first thing I've noticed is that it seems to me that there are certain times of the year when things seem to happen ...inexplicably. It may be coincidence, like the idea that deaths come in threes. But, as strange as that seems to be, I have noticed that it DOES seem to happen. In much the same way, I've noticed that the Holidays seem to be a time when, if some kind of impasse is going to occur in certain marriages, they seem to come during times of celebration. Much like this celebration the group members have while they are away at the RANCH. I know there is no logic behind it; special days where people become introspective and start thinking about their pasts, their lives, wondering what could have been, might have been, should have been and, often, when certain people go there in their minds, they seem to want to ACT. This seems especially true of people who are thinking about leaving their marriages. It’s fascinating and horrifying to me that this Large Group Awareness Training causes these poor souls to lose themselves and in the process they lose their families. I have read so many posts from the people who have lost their spouses, who say that their spouses left saying “this is what’s right for me.” Coincidental? or is it?
I think this compounds the pain for the people who lost their marriages or relationships. There you are, buzzing along in your life, thinking everything is great, planning parties, special nights, vacations, get-togethers with friends, etc. and, then, BAM! Seemingly out of nowhere, here comes your spouse, returning from the PSI Ranch suddenly disillusioned with the whole thing, bored, needing space to find themselves, unhappy for months or years, (nice of them to let you in on it, finally) or they simply just up and leave with no explanation and, consequently, no need to FEEL any of the pain and chaos they've left behind. And, there we are, trying to pick our chins off the floor and return our hearts to the tattered wounds in our chests. It all feels like some nightmare from which there is no waking or some sad movie for which there is never enough tissue handy. We get left on our wedding anniversaries. We get left when someone dies. We get left when we are either in financial crisis, or when we have reached a point when we are financially content. We get left after the purchase of a new house, or when we are close to living in the street. We get left when we are sick. We get left when the spouse is sick and leaves to "protect" us. We get left...I could go on and on. My point is this; we get left when the other person finally exposes him/her self as someone who cannot deal with the realities of life after returning from these ‘courses.”
Seems like the person you stood with at the altar in front of loved ones and uttered words which meant so much to us suddenly develops amnesia or wakes up from this dream-like state they've been living in and, lo and behold, those promises they made become foreign to them, as if they've been watching a movie in another language without the subtitles. While we're all living our lives, feeling secure that the person who impacts our lives the most, receives the most attention from us, shares our beds, our most intimate thoughts and knows our bodies better than we do, have promised us to love and cherish and be there for us in any and ALL circumstances suddenly seems to use some event, like attending this course at the RANCH, usually when we are distracted by the hundreds of tasks we are performing, working toward what we thought was a shared goal... when lightening strikes. All of a sudden, we are not good enough, rich enough, passionate enough, understanding enough, skinny enough, pretty enough, handsome enough, young enough, not working hard enough, are lacking in mind-reading skills or sophisticated enough to realize that life is more than this. THIS. They look around and say to themselves and, if we're lucky, (mostly, we're not) HEY! THIS in not enough! I want more! I want (insert whatever it is they tell you they really want here). And we are thinking, HEY! I've been giving you _________! In that moment, you are not living with what you thought was a mature adult; you have been transported to the checkout counter at Wal-Mart and your spouse is having a temper-tantrum because they want something from the impulse aisle. Why? Because they are intrigued by the newness, the pretty packaging offered by PSI, the surety that they absolutely CANNOT leave the store unless they have that. And, while you are dutifully paying for your practical purchases, they are busy hiding stuff in their pockets. Stuff they don't need. Stuff they will probably tire of soon. Stuff that just ends up clutter for someone else to clean up. And believe me there is stiff to clean up. Stuff they can't afford. In any case, their emotional pockets are crammed with crap they never told you they required, like buying more of these seminars and emptying out your bank accounts. They just realized they needed it and will do anything to get it. No they didn't need it. They either knew all along that they wanted that stuff and were just biding their time until the right time came along to grab it or they sometime along the way saw it and thought about it until they couldn't ignore it anymore and went back and picked it up. But they NEVER give you a chance to give it to them because they don't want you to know that they always want. Want, want, want. As if we don't want too. We're just not in that big a hurry.
These people stampede over us and everyone else in their way, whether they love them or not, to get at that THING they want. A lover? Freedom? Space? A better life? Financial security? Things wrapped in shiny paper with big, colorful, fluffy bows? Makes you just want to smack 'em and tell 'em, hey! Look! I want that stuff, too. I'm just not willing to toss everything else out of the cart to make room for what usually turns out to be a beautifully- wrapped, festively adorned EMPTY BOX! And that’s exactly what PSI Seminars is; an empty box!!! So, after they've sacrificed everything, and went after what they wanted, had time to open it up, and find out that, in digging around in the box, they find nothing. Nothing. Just air. The same air they had before. I don't know why these things seem to happen around certain times. And, at certain points. Seven years in, fourteen, twenty-five. I'm sure some socio-scientist has a theory. I don't EVEN know. All I know is that it happened. It happens way too much and is rewarded way too easily. Marriage, in this society, is not revered anymore and PSI destroys marriages. It is more often reviled as the quick all fix to everyone problems, well it isn’t. It takes a brave person to enter that particular pool anymore. Lots of sharks swimming around in there. I don't have any real answers. I wish I did. I'd sure save each and every one of you one scary, treacherous swim. Truth is, we don't know what we really have until we open the box. Sometimes, some parts are missing. But there's no company to order spare parts from, no service desk to complain to so, we whip out the duct tape and hope it is strong enough to hold. Sometimes, we get lucky but, eventually, the tape weakens and pulls off. And we are left with a broken item or in this case a broken heart and a broken mind. Some of these things can't be fixed.
No matter what is going on or what you have been told, you are NOT broken, so don't waste time looking for the missing parts. It is not you who needs fixing, my friends; it’s them. Let them scramble around, looking for that THING. We may be bent, sometimes. We may be seriously bent, and in danger of snapping. But, then, the wind dies down and, finally, after the storm, we stand tall again, basking in the sun, looking out upon a tranquil blue ocean. That's what happiness is. It’s inside of you. It always was and it always will be...if we let it be.
PSI destroyed my marriage. I will always believe that in my heart and mind. They took my husband and turned him into a mindless PSI drone. More concerned with himself then his family, his wife or children. They are unimportant. Something he was not before his return from PSI7.
Thank you for letting me post. |
45 days ago by Marc [
45 days ago by Mary [