Well technically he is not a deadbeat dad until the baby comes and he refuses to pay child support. Aside from that. I do feel for you. And I think you have every right to feel hurt and betrayed and angry. However... you do not seem to accept ANY responsibility in this. If you were given medications that were going to affect the effectiveness of the pill, you would have been given information with the prescription that would have alerted you to the fact you were in greater risk of getting pregnant. If you chose not to read it, or ignored the warning thinking it would be fine, then you have responsibility in it too. You could have insisted he use a condom, or should have discussed the risk in having sex at that time. If he still chose to go ahead with the deed, then he is a double jerk for bailing when it happened. If he was not informed of the possible risks, he may be feeling betrayed by you. Thinking you maybe did it on purpose.
I have been in your shoes before... almost exactly. When I decided to tell the father, I told him then and there that I understand he was not given full disclosure of the situation allowing him the opportunity to decide if he wanted to wrap it or not. I was lucky in that he chose to stick it out, and happens to be my husband of 13 years to this day. We lost that child but the ordeal made us stronger.
I think you need to give him time to diagest it, and sort out his feelings, especially if he did not know your pills may have been in effective. If you don't think you can do it alone then maybe you need to consider giving it up for adoption. If that is out of the question for you, I hope you can find the strength you need to get through it. Because you may very well be doing it alone. On the bright side? If he is not interested now, why would you want him in your life for the next 18 years, fighting and arguing and going back and fourth to court over every little issue. If he bails, take him to task with child support, he will HAVE to pay one way or the other. And live your life happily not having to deal with him constantly fighting and making your life hell. If you force him to participate and then all of a sudden he decides he is going to become super dad, I guarantee you... you will have wished he just stayed away. You moved on in life, and down the line maybe marry someone who is good to you and the kids, why have all the added drama if you don't need it. Sure the first while will be hard, but lean on those you can trust like family and friends. You will get through it. We always do. We have no choice because we have children to care for. Sure he can try and deny paternity and may ask for a DNA test. So what.. let him pay for one and then take him to task financially so you have that support at the very least.
I understand it can be painful emotionally especially if you cared for him a great deal. Being a mother already I would hope you did not think that you could truly trust him after only 4 months, you had to have been somewhat prepared that he may not react as you hoped.
I wish you the best of luck. I do hope that you are able to know the path you are going to travel in regards to this soon, and find a way to make peace with the outcome one way or another. There are pros and cons to everything we do, and chose to do. As a woman we have added responsibility when it comes to getting pregnant because it is US that has to carry the child and raise the child and the guy can just walk away unscathed. Sure that may be so for the first while, but in the long run he will have to face that child, and that could very well end up being harder on him than if he had just manned up from the start.
Good luck, good health and wise choices is what I toast to you. |
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