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Columbia House / Edge Line Ventures

Columbia House / Edge Line Ventures review: Should be investigated for criminal fraud 49

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Author of the review
12:00 am EDT
Featured review
This review was chosen algorithmically as the most valued customer feedback.

This is in regard to my experience with Columbia House DVD club. According to its membership rules, you must purchase 4 DVD's in order to retain its promotional price on 6 DVD's purchased at the onset of membership. When you finally select to purchase the 4th DVD to meet your membership obligation, mysterious shipping delays and backlogs begin to emerge and contacts with Columbia House become next to impossible. It is my considered assessment that Columbia House DVD club is very little more than a scam operation and should be investigated for criminal fraud.

49 comments
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lynn thibault
Providence, US
Jan 31, 2009 7:57 am EST

the movie vantage point was sent to my home. from there i sent it back to the company reading on package return to sender. i do not have this movie or dvd and i do not wish to be a part of columbia house any longer. they are billing me for the movie with late charges. i do not have this movie it was sent back! i wish to be removed from the mailing list! they are constantly ripping me off. the account number is as follows 50477494012d03494 023477. please help me. thanks

sincerely

lynn marie thibault

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S.H. Pancake
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May 29, 2007 12:00 am EDT

I am an EX Member! Having always paid my bills the SAME day I received a shipment I should have never received merchandise I did not order! But I did. I returned it, since it was not ordered, and just let them pay postage.

I will NOT pay for anyone else's mistake! Before long I was getting bills for the postage, so I wrote them, seven times to no avail. I also called four times and was assured that all was fine and not to worry. Today I am reading my second "Collection Letter " and was told that they will report me for unsatisfactory dealings with me. This will go into my Credit Report and leave a mark on my Credit!

I will NEVER do business with them again and am searching for further places to report their shabby business practices. I tried calling but talking to a machine does nothing and so I am going further.

S.H. Pancake
Co. Springs Colorado.

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Angela Elaine Walker
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Jun 28, 2007 12:00 am EDT

I am receiving DVD's from Columbia House DVD Club, with charges reflecting on my credit card that they have on file. I have not ordered the video's that they are sending nor did I authorize any automatic transactions on my credit card.

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William Gibson
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Nov 01, 2007 12:00 am EDT

They advertise "Fun Cash" or building up points after so many purchases. I have thirty dollars worth. I'm having a hard time
cashing them in. Its set where you can't mail in a request for a free DVD and its hard finding it on the web.

Second complaint; after two years we should'nt be required to fill
out an order form stating we do not want the directors selection or they will send it to us. I believe my tenure is up.

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Keeling
Fayetteville, US
Apr 13, 2010 5:11 pm EDT

What a scam...these people will automatically send you and charge you $30 for movies UNLESS you intentionally tell them you don't want them. They also tell me that I can't cancel my account unless I fulfill my contract by purchasing 3 DVDs in the next year. This website is sketchy. There is no contact phone number on the website, only an email address. And when I would email them, they would send me back emails that were completely IRRELEVANT to the questions I had asked. I finally got a hold of a customer service rep on the phone and, as a lot of people here have said, ran around in circles trying to talk to someone that would help me. I think their strategy is to make things as complicated as possible and hope that you'll just give up and pay the price. I asked the rep I was talking to to connect me with a superviser and she just said, "Sorry they're busy, I will take down your information and call you back later." So I said, "I actually don't believe you will call me back, I would prefer to be on hold" and it literally took 20 seconds for a supervisor to get on the phone. I talked to the supervisor in circles for about 20 minutes before he agreed to let me mail the movies back and get a full refend. DO NOT JOIN THIS WEBSITE, IT IS A SCAM!

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Lesha Gifford
Oskaloosa, US
Jan 28, 2009 10:42 pm EST

I have been a member of columbia house dvd club for years and have been trying to contact this company t0 remove my name from their mailing list. I recently fullfilled my latest so called contract and do not want to be afilliated with this company any longer.

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jessica
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May 02, 2008 2:54 pm EDT

I was charged on my DEBIT CARD for movies WHEN I SELECTED BILL ME. Then when I called my bank was told they just needed to credit my acct and bill me. Well, I called columbia house and was told that was not possible. I, then talked to a manager and was told that they could not do that. So, now I am withdrawn on my account. After 3 hours of trying ot reach an actual person, I get no answer.

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noshopping
Atlanta, US
Apr 26, 2010 7:12 pm EDT
Verified customer This comment was posted by a verified customer. Learn more

I'm very upset with Colunbia House and I will never buy anything else from this DVD company ever again and I advise everybody that reads this Complaint to do the same. Here is the reason why. In good faith I became a member of Columbia House DVD club fulfilled the membership. After, I did not want any more DVD's Columbia House would continue to send movies to me and I would send the movies back at my expense becasue, I did not want the movies this was 2005 and now 2010 I'm being harrassed by collectors saying I owe Columbia House for movies I paid to send back to them 5 years ago. I never got any notices that the movies were never returned. I got delivery confirmation so I know the movies were return back to Columbia House. I will pay for something I don't owe this is crazy after 5 years.

Larry C
Atlanta Ga.

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djwright64
Abingdon, US
May 23, 2007 12:00 am EDT

When logging on to the account, there is no contact link. I need to discuss this account with a human being and when calling their [protected] number I can't get through to anyone except recording. It's been 2 weeks since I mailed a payment and they have not (according to their computer generated system) yet received it and they have suspended my account. I can't pull up an order-history on the website even to see what has been order, returned, etc.

Please help! ASAP!
Thank you!

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Mannacio
Novato, US
Jan 24, 2008 12:00 am EST

They induce you with low prices but then what? They send you DVDs you've declined, they charge you card for shipping when their promotion says they won't. You try to reach them by e-mail and they apologize but don't solve any of your problems. You might believe they can't read. You ask for a manager to respond, and don't get one. The phone number is voice mail jail. You don't get to talk to a live person unless you know that placing an order gets you to one. You finally get to a supervisor and tell them you want an immediate refund for a product they sent which you did not order (and has not come yet). They say you'll get your money when we get the DVD back and that could be 6-8 weeks! You explain that you are not a bank and not in the business of lending money to Columbia House and you had previously been promised no "Directors Selections" would need to be declined. Were they going to live up to their word? Evidently not. I gave the supervisor an ultimatum: either give me credit on my charge card now and you can keep me as a customer, or I can cancel my membership call my credit card company and dispute the charge so your company will not get the money either way. She told me I choose option two. This speaks volumes about the company. Good companies like Amazon will go out of their way to keep you happy and keep you as a customer. This is an example of the worst of the worst.

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Nontokozo Gcwensa
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Nov 17, 2007 12:00 am EST

i got a mail from Columbia House DVD Club,i was not even a member,they sent me Amy wynehouse cd.its costed $3.02,which i'm ok with.after that i signed as a member & there was also a broucher that said 6DVD's for 49c each,i mailed all the six dvd's i wanted,but they haven't sent them,instead they sent me something else which cost $5.41.

i want an explaination & than my 6 dvd's as they prosime or i'm just gonna cancel the membership.
i would like to be contacted soon,on my phone.

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Roy Randall
Hornell, US
Jan 15, 2010 10:58 am EST

My name is Roy Randall, my address is 15 Hart Street, Hornell, New York 14843. acct [protected]. You have billed me for a dvd that i returned months ago. monsters vs aliens. i will not pay these charges and i have requested numerous times over the last year to cancel my account. Every dvd that you send me will be returned. If you chiose to ignore my request you will simply be wasting my time and your companies money by sending dvd movies to me... thank you

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bobby99
Santee, US
Apr 26, 2010 3:19 pm EDT

Dealing with a company like the Columbia House dvd club has been hell in my life.Like many people i am on a budget.So getting charged $50.00 every month is a little annoying! I have cancelled my accounts, which there are three, four times in six months.Still nothing is done about the charges.I have been charged with my bank an overdraft fee three times, because i never know about the charges i am receiving until it is too late.I have filed a comsumer compaint, and have talked to a lawyer about how to get my money back.To this day i am still being charged! Customer service is awful, the people are rude, and you never get a straight answer.I will not give up with columbia house until i receive my money back! Avoid this company at all costs, or you too will be a victim of this god awful company!

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Rozsa V. Harris
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Jun 02, 2007 12:00 am EDT

I recently received a DVD from Columbia House that I absolutely did NOT order. It was in a package with a vague (PO Box) return address, so I opened it. According to the enclosed invoice, I had joined their DVD club and this was the introductory DVD. I taped the package and attempted to return the DVD immediately. The post office wouldn't return an opened package without ME paying the postage, so I attempted to contact someone at Columbia House to request a postage paid return label. There is no way to contact a customer service representative on their website and the 800 number on the invoice for customer service is a joke - you can't reach a human being! AND if you attempt to cancel your membership, it promises to send you a statement to fulfill your membership obligation. WHY should I be obligated to pay for something that I never ordered in the first place and HOW are these people getting away with a scam like this? I refuse to pay the return postage for an item that I never ordered, so the DVD is sitting on my desk in the original packaging waiting for a postage paid return label. If I wanted to watch Coach Carter, I would rent it from Netflix!

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Dale Umbenhauer
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Oct 27, 2008 8:08 am EDT

I received an e-mail from Columbia House saying they were having a free shipping sale. (The only time I would ever order anything from them was when they were having free shipping because their shipping and handling charges are obscene. I put the items I wanted in my cart and then tried to check out. I could not check out because my bank card on file had expired and their system would not let me update my card expiration date. Since they conveniently removed all telephone numbers from the website, I e-mailed them and told them what happened. I told them I wanted to order these items under the free shipping offer but could not and that I would still like to place the order but that I was not paying shipping charges. I specifically told them that if they were going to charge me shipping, I was not ordering anything. Columbia House Customer Service responded to my e-mail all nice and said they would be hapy to help. I replied with the items that I wanted and requested they confirm the total amount with me prior to actually finalizing the order because I was not going to pay shipping and handling charges. They never responded to me, they just went ahead and placed the order and charged me $30 shipping and handling charges for three sets weighing less than 2 pounds. They immediatley charged my bank card and when I wrote to complain (because of course there is no number to call), they told me I would have to wait until the order arrived and write refused, return to sender on it and send it back. When I took the package back to the post office to return it, I just asked the lady to tell me how much it would have cost me to ship it if I would have had to pay for it. $2.95. So I was overcharged by $27 for shipping charges. I have returned the package but have yet to have my money returned to me. I have also notified them that I am terminating my membership and have not received acknowledgement of that either. I am really surprised there has never been a class action against these clowns. For anyone out there that is considering joining this club, take it from me, it is cheaper to go to Wal-mart and just buy them and not have to deal with the headache.

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Donald Smith
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Nov 20, 2008 11:52 am EST

I did not order the dvd that was sent to me, "You don't mess with Zohan". I did not authorize money to be deducted from my account. I would have to be an idiot to pay $28.00 for a dvd that I've never heard of, nor authorize to be sent.
They can have the dvd back, and put the money back in my account

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Dana
, US
Feb 24, 2009 11:30 am EST

I fell for this scam don't fall for it too! I was offered 7 dvds for .49 each plus shipping and a chance to get two advanced dvds one for $14.95 the other for $9.99..Columbia House is pulling a fast one with these offers..I ordered my 7 introductory dvds which I was told I would get first and if I decide to stay in the club then I would get my other dvds..so I took them up on the advanced dvd offers...what I got instead was headache and hassle from this sham outfit..had they kept their word I would have paid about $25 which I would have gladly paid immediately then be sent the two advanced orders which I would then pay on..instead what I received was both advanced orders and only 1 of my introductory dvds..and a bill for close to $50..NOT what I signed up for and I told them so..they then informed me they only send out a portion of the order and ask for prepayment..that info is conviently left out of all info I am sent prior to getting my order..when I informed them I would send my payment in full upon receipt of my promised introductory package they refused I then pointed out to them in their own emails they promised delivery of my 7 introductory dvds their response.."that email was misworded" more like I was mislead..I informed them I kept all of my proof even a copy of the agreement I followed when I joined their sham club..they informed me they would not send out my introductory package until I made a payment which takes away my choice of staying in the club or not..because they are asking for payment for the advanced orders as well..uh no not happening skippy! So then they offered to let me pay $25 for the introductory package first..so they want me to pay for the dvds I was told I would NOT have to pay for until I received them..again I said no..all I want is my 6 missing dvds and for them to honour their own agreement/terms..and still they refuse..so guess what now I'm shouting breach of contract which releases me from any obligation to this scam club btw thanks for the 3 free dvds..WARNING FOR ALL MOVIE LOVERS STEER CLEAR OF COLUMBIA HOUSE DVD CLUB! Their HUGE loss I buy around 9 or 10 movies a week..add that one up CHDC see how much you'll be losing! BTW they also charged me $2 more for each advanced dvd order I received! One was $14.95 they charged me $16.95 the other was $9.99 they charged me $11.99..

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Carol Moreno
Mountain View, US
Mar 16, 2009 3:28 pm EDT

I had order a dvd thru a Columbia House web site which adververtised an intro package for $5.00 dollars. Then I would have two years to purchase an additional 6 selection at the regular rate which ran about $22.00. I had paid the intro charge of $5.oo on August 8th using my debit card. However I found out that when i used that same debit card at a merchant. I was declined. When I called my debit card provider as to what the problem was, I was told that there were two charges from Columbia House posted to my Account with in three second from each other thus causing the decline of my other purchase. I only authorized one purchase. My card holder services had that additional $5.oo charge reversed. Then I recieved a invoice for $124. dollars and some change and the reason stated that I had not fulfilled my contractual obligations. Also shortly after I started to recieve calls from a collection Company (unsure if it is in house) That I owe $124.00+ for stated above reasons. I explained what the situation was and that I dispute their claim. An after many subsequent calls from this collection agency I asked them to investigate the claim and to not call me any more and I refuse to pay for items I did not recieve.+

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Simon
, US
May 07, 2009 12:39 pm EDT

It would seem Columbia House has one set of rules for other customers and a different set for me..when I first joined they forced me to complain to the Attorney General because they refused to adhere to their own agreement...I won and they were forced to send me the rest of my intro package prior to my paying..they tried to force me to prepay for my intro package..I refused and the AG sided with me..now it seems they are bound and determined to make my membership a living hell...I placed my first order I was forced to reorder because they refused to ship out my first order..they finally did and the one set that would count as 1 toward my obligation arrived heavily damaged..I informed them of the damage I might add the shipping box was undamaged yet the cd case was smashed beyond repair and the discs were scratched, I believe this set was damaged prior to shipping and sent on purpose why else would the set be damaged, but the shipping box not be? I was sent two different emails the first said to "send it back" and the second said to "throw it away"..I find it funny I was sent a damaged set and of course it was the set that would count as my first obligation purchase..the cost was removed from my balance..I still owe for the rest of the order a mere $24.96...I placed more orders and was shocked when none of them were shipped..3 were not yet released when I placed my order..however one has since become available, but has not shipped..to their credit they did ship me a replacement title for one from my intro package that was no longer available..of course that one they cannot bill me for in any way so it does not count toward my obligation nor does the one title I was sent..get the picture? They are sending me titles that do NOT count toward my obligation, but holding out on sending the ones that do! They ignore my email complaints that is until I start sending in complaints elsewhere!I was shocked when I received a note saying until I pay off my balance a whole $24.96 I might add that is NOT past due nor was it past due when I placed my other orders..I spoke with a customer of theirs online who said he "placed orders totaling almost $300 BEFORE they sent him such a notice!" It seems the rules are different for me then for other customers and if this is the way they want it to be then I will take my business and money elsewhere..I usually buy up to 5 dvds every two weeks, but if that's not good enough for them then they can kiss my money and my ### goodbye..I plan to send them a copy of this complaint and if the rest of my orders are not shipped to me including the preorders when available I will leave this club and they can shove their attitude, their dvds and my so called obligation up their ###!

This club has been nothing, but a pain, they lie, change the rules around only do the right thing when forced to and get their revenge in a sneaky way..I wont let my nerves be shot by this companies actions..I will walk away and they will lose a lot of money!

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lachina
Philadelphia, US
Sep 17, 2010 3:00 pm EDT

I have had the very same problems others have had with columbia house dvd club. I ended up canceling my credit card to stop their pre- authorized withdrawals after I specifically stated to them not to do it. If you are planning on doing business with them DON'T. It isn't worth all the headaches they put you through.

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Effie Leavitt
North Las Vegas, US
Jan 16, 2009 4:52 pm EST

I received this letter about joining the Columbia house DVD club. My credit card was stolen thats why you were not able to use the care provided so please cancel everything. DVD club # is..
[protected]. Effie Leavitt
5122 Green Hollow StreetThank you for your cooperation
North Las Vegas, NV. 89031
Sands411x@cox.net

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Carla Lynn Bender
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Sep 23, 2007 12:00 am EDT

First of all, I don't even know how this company got my personal information. Second, they have been sending bills in the mail with charges for items that I do not even possess. Third, when trying to reach assistance for cancellation for an account with my name on it that I never agreed to have, there are only automated systems. You can never reach a real person. And last but not least, they insist that you pay them money or they will turn your name into an agency. Furthermore, this company should be investigated for fraud, and every victim that has suffered economic losses should be fully reimbursed.

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Terry R Good
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Mar 22, 2008 5:40 pm EDT

I went on line to redeem my Pepsistuff mp3 player points which took my to Amazon.com & they said I had to answer questions for member #. I did! The next thing I know I received through the mail a DVD from Columbiahouse along with a membership bill. I don't want & didn't want any membership. My wife canceled it & now I get a bill for quiting the club for the full amount of DVD's they say I agreed to buy. I offered to send the 1st one back as it hasn't even been viewed, so then I get this big Bill. I think it's a Scam & a rip off. I need help... T.R. Good.

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dorisw
Philadelphia, US
Jan 29, 2011 1:43 am EST

I ordered the Essential Eastwood dvd. After about half the picture had played it stopped and a sign appeared onthe screen saying this dvd cannot be played, check your disk. Why? When I buy dvds from a company I expect them to be first quality not like something bootleg. Now I would like to get my money back or a proper dvd. I'm going to work on this. I can't afford to throw away $29.64 i'll let you know what happens dw

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stephine clark
Parkersburg, US
Jun 02, 2009 11:50 am EDT

hello my name is stephine clark i had some charg my account for 25.94 when i didnt order any thing i want it put back in my account or my bank will be getting hold of u

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1808864
Oshkosh, US
Mar 04, 2009 9:01 pm EST

BY PUTTING RETURN TO SENDER ON PACKAGE DOES NOT GUARANTEE IT WILL GET BACK TO THEM. IF YOU KEEP DOING THIS AND DOESN' T MAKE IT BACK TO THEM YOU CAN BE FINANCIALLY RESPONSIBLE. IF YOU DON'T WANT THE TITLE YOU NEED TO RESPOND TO THEIR DIRECTORS SELECTION.

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1808864
Oshkosh, US
Mar 04, 2009 8:59 pm EST

There is no such thing called extended contract-it says no where in the contract that after your obligation is fulfilled then it will automatcially be canceled. You need to call them to let them know you want to cancel-they just cannot assume that. These movie clubs are for people who love to watch and collect movies. Not for people who want cheap introductory orders for couple dollars.

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Lisa
Green River, US
Jan 21, 2009 3:00 pm EST

Beware changing your card information. I recently changed bank accounts and I have been very addiment about not allowing people to automatically take money from my account. I went online and added my new card to make a payment that I owed them and I was very careful not to check the box that lets them take money without permission. However! Somehow they did anyway. I had to go to my bank and file a fraud claim against them. I had to cancel my card and it ended up costing me almost $400 in over-draft fees from the amounts they took claim to. I called them and asked for them to reverse the charges and to no avail, the woman refused and said that she apologizes and that she'll change it. I went into my account and found that the box is now checked authorizing them to take the money and there is no way for me to change it so that it's unchecked.

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Nikki
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Dec 01, 2008 3:09 pm EST

I ordered like 2 movies in summer 2007 and family things happened and i cancelled the phone number they had and credit card. I have never heard another thing from them in a year and a half. Now I got a letter in the mail today with my new address, two addresses later, and my nickname that everyone calls me and a bill of $124.70. They are threatening to report me to a consumer reporting agency. I signed into my account on their site today and it has my real name which i never would have given online and my new address. This freaks me out a little and I have no intention on paying them. I already have bad credit/ no credit as I'm only 18 and I made this account when I was still a minor. I would gladly send the movies back if they would tell me which ones i bought but from all these complaints I doubt they are ever going to work with me.

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French people
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Nov 16, 2008 5:38 am EST

I have just got up by looking at my account I have to notice 2 transfer of "coL House video ", while I never had to buy of DVD coming from Colombia...
300€ of were taken for nothing, we are going to lodge a complaint

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Branka Sahbegovic
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Oct 16, 2008 2:35 pm EDT

They took advantage of my 12 year old boy. He was hoping they would send free DVD, and I don't mind paying shipment, but now they want more than $130.00 for movies I never get. Please,
stop that scam.
Branka, California

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Scott
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Aug 22, 2008 9:16 am EDT

They did the same thing to me. Could not understand why my bank account was overdrawn. Called the bank only to find out that Columbia House had put three holds on my debit account when I had only authorized 1 charge. I was now overdrawn &170.00. Called the customer service number...got the usual runaround from them... finally spoke with some a customer service person...asked for a supervisor...they put me through to a useless person named Trent...explained the whole situation to him olny to be informed that Columbia House WILL NOT refund overdraft charges no matter who's fault is was. Now that's what I call Customer Service.

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PJ
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Aug 21, 2008 8:57 am EDT

i can't see why everyone haveing a bad deal with the dvd club i couldn't ask more of them this is a good club maybe there is someone useing they name as a scam

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Mike
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Aug 09, 2008 7:59 pm EDT

I do survey websites, and what I'm suspecting is they sent Columbia House DVDs my name and address. So, today my sister said the recieved multiple papers in mail saying each name owed $5.00. It's like the survey websites are giving away information. Any help would be appreciated. I'm going to call Columbia House DVDs on Monday. Do they have online support on internet?

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Tracy
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Aug 09, 2008 5:35 am EDT

Does anyone know their email address?

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Tracy
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Aug 09, 2008 5:34 am EDT

My boyfriend keeps getting bills from them and he hasn't ordered from them. He received a bill for $51.00 and didn't receive a movie they said they sent. Anyway he doesn't want them to send anymore movies. They sent another one which he is sending back with a letter telling them not to send him anymore. I don't know how it happened that he supossedly ordered from them, but he wants it to stop!

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A. McKenzie
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Apr 18, 2008 9:55 pm EDT

What happen to quality Customer Service?

I ordered a collection of 3 DVD's. The order would not process because it wouldn't give me the option to make a payment (because I choose not to have my credit card on file with them), so I contacted them via e-mail to ask simply "Why?". The next thing I know they are sending me the 3 DVD's separately and billing me full price for each (3x as much as the collection was). Then they even charged my credit card (the one I used to make my last one-time payment) the new amount without my authorization. After much hassle to get the DVD's returned they refund only 3/4 the amount charged to the card! Each time I e-mail them (as the wait time for customer service via phone is too long for a mother with 3 small children), I get a completely different person responding and they never seem to read the e-mail just offer a blanket apology and tell me yet another reason for "why" this happened this way, which of course is never their fault. To make matters worse - it will cost me more to cancel my account now (since I still have 4 DVD's to purchase per the agreement) then it would to purchase the 4 at regular price - yet I don't want to give them more business or additional orders to screw up!

Avoid them like the plague!

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Dosha Cousin
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Apr 02, 2008 9:03 am EDT

I received an email, 7 DVD’s for .49 cent. I picked out 7 DVD’s and paid for shipping and handling which was only supposed to be 17.64. Well I paid the 17.64 with my credit card. My credit card company sent me a text message stating that the DVD Company took 20.84. Then the following week my credit card company sent me another text message stating that the DVD Company took out an additional 20.84. I tried calling the DVD Club to see why I was over charged, but unfortunately I couldn’t get passed the recordings. I tried to go online and cancel my account before they dug too deep into my account, but I was not given an account number. Then I found the complaint web site and seen that I am not the only one. I wish I'd say this site first before I gave them my money.

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Dosha Cousin
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Apr 02, 2008 8:10 am EDT

I paid for my order with my credit card. The bill was supose to be $20.84 . I recieved a statement that the DVD club took out $40.84. I tried calling to see why I was over charged but I couldn't get through to a representative.

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Kim
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Apr 01, 2008 8:37 pm EDT

I agree about Columbia House...somehow they have my credit card number and made an unauthorized charge of 27.50 on it...can't get a hold of a breathing individual to talk to when I call them...so I called their order line and she said she don't have a direct number for customer support or billing either - what kind of crap is that? I was forced to cancel my credit card today and have a new account issued to me - will be 7 days before I can get it and the credit card co. wants me to have Columbia House refund the charge to me - well, one problem - I can't talk to anyone at CH to even make a complaint to have the UNAUTHORIZED charge refunded to me. I think their company has a lot to be desired. Thanks in advance to anyone who may be able to help with a phone number where I can reach a breathing human being at Columbia House!

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